Spoiling Scalzi: A Real-Time Read of Kaiju Preservation Society (Part 1)
We're not ones to think of ourselves too highly here at Upstream, but we have been known on occasion to be favored with the odd advance copy of a book here and there. Recently someone who loved (or loathed) us, saw fit to bestow upon us a copy of John Scalzi's upcoming standalone The Kaiju Preservation Society, due out on the 15th. Having made its way across my desk, I could not resist the opportunity to share my impressions after each reading session, because by God, if I have to suffer this, than you will suffer with me.
Praise Where It's Due
Before digging into things proper, I want to make something perfectly clear: I think John Scalzi can be a good writer. I'll never forget opening Old Man's War and thinking about how he nailed the opening line so perfectly; it is in my humble estimation, among one of the most memorable I've ever read, up there with 1984 and A Tale of Two Cities in terms of ones I can rattle off readily. I still see that novel as a great, if derivative work, though even then he couldn't get through the first chapter without a shoehorned-in caricature of a racist red state hayseed. And, given Sclazi's politics, I couldn't help but see his MC who shames him at their first meeting as at least a semi-self-insert. Still, his main character was likable enough, and had depth and pathos. Scalzi had shown he was clearly a gifted storyteller, or could be; I enjoyed the book, because at its heart was a human story that had emotional weight attached to it.
I don't know if the guy needed to lighten things up a bit after wrapping up the Interdependency trilogy, but TKPS is not that. It's a definite shift in tone for sure, what it's not is exciting or original. Booklist's fawning review, calling it "wildly imaginative" is an outright lie.
But let's begin . . .
Early Red Flags
Right off the bat, the book instantly dates itself by being set at the beginning of the Covid outbreak in New York City. Which, generally for Science Fiction, is a bad move, but here we are. Our 28 year-old MC Jamie is working as new hire at a startup meal delivery app (he's given no description, so I'm just imagining John Scalzi in skinny jeans and an ironic screen tee). He's an overeducated English major who's made a series of poor life choices, such as moving to New York City after leaving a doctorate program at the University of Chicago.
This is so bad. As a reader, I now feel as though I have to suffer the main character. Being so brain-breakingly stupid as to leave the eleventh most expensive city in the country to move to the most expensive city in the country with nothing but a useless almost-degree already makes me not want to like him. But he's a big sci-fi geek! He'd go to parties and not shut up about Snow Crash, because that's exactly the book you'd expect a college-aged John Scalzi to not shut up about while holding a warm beer and being ignored by girls. You're supposed to like him, he would probably collect Funko Pops if he could afford them! This is a hero for a generation robbed of them; told that society is supposed to take the sophomoric dalliances they've dragged into young adulthood from their teens are to be taken seriously and treated with weight. In a way, he's perfect. Kill me.
Jamie, being essentially skill-less, is dumped from his Nu Tech job like a HuffPo blogger after a change of ownership, and after complaining to his panderingly gay couple roommates (also not given descriptions), finds himself scraping by delivering food for the app he helped to develop. Enter the patently asinine inciting incident; I'm gonna pause to get some aspirin for this.
Wouldn't you know it, turns out a regular of his, Tom (no description given) who lives in some swank condo, remembers him from their old parties; he even read Snow Crash because John-- sorry, Jamie kept talking about it so highly! Well, as they bond over chit chat we find out that Tom works for a super elite corporation who just lost their sole unskilled manual laborer to Covid and Jamie's just found out he's being fired from his delivery app job! Again! Serendipity!
So just to clarify, an UberEats driver manages to cross paths with someone incredibly wealthy and well connected in a city of 8 million people (okay, could happen), and although they hadn't seen each other in years, and barely associated with one another when they were social, Tom simply cannot wait to offer John -- damn it, Jamie, an exotic, globe-spanning job at Jurassic Park with Godzillas that will pay obscene amounts of money.
Jurassic Park with Godzillas? Wait a minute, where have I --
Hmmm. What about --
Huh. I'm sure it's just a coincidence. But wait, wasn't someone else kicking this idea ar--
Wait, wait, wait: A story about a normal guy who winds up with a super secret company dealing with mon--
(As a quick aside, you can actually download the excellent Monster Hunter International, courtesy of Baen Books here for FREE. Upstream loves ya, baby.)
So what we have is a more than half-century old man's take on a zoomer main character with nearly zero depth so far, a set up that stretches my ability for disbelief to its snapping point, and at least one egregiously pandering gay couple. Even for lighthearted fare, this is anemic. The table is set. Who's ready for some notes? BEYOND HERE BE SPOILERS, LET'S GOOOOOOO!
Note(s) on main character: Scalzi's MC is a 28 year-old self-insert, complete with baked-in white guilt and self-loathing. With one exception, all of Jaimie's other friends are gay or POC, and he is the only one without dual advanced degrees. Despite a virtual UN of nonwhite supporting characters, no one in this book is given even the merest description beyond their sex. It's as forced and shallow a diversity as it comes.
Page 24: Back-and-forth between Jamie and the doctor administering several dozen vaccinations is genuinely funny. Probably some of the best sustained writing and dialogue in the story. Genuinely good humor here.Â
Page 30:Â Mask hectoring, attempt to build up suspense about the 'surprise' awaiting the new recruits is ruined BY THE GODDAMNED TITLE.
Page 36: All bases on the 'alternate earth' where the kaiju live are named after directors / producers / filmmakers of classic kaiju movies (Honda, Tanaka, etc.). Big Bang Theory levels of fan service.
Page 45: Writes in the "Man is the Real Monster" trope, acknowledges it, then doubles down.
Page 48: Panderingly gay couple #2 are introduced, pilot and co-pilot transporting the new crew.Â
Page 48: Gay pilot talks shit about Imperial Measurement system during onboarding speech.
Page 52: Super high-tech secret kaiju-keeping organization has highly trained, educated and difficult-to-replace staff transported to their base via fucking dirigible -- ostensibly safe because the blimp is constructed from near-indestructible kaiju hide (remember this), despite dirigibles being laughably inefficient and veteran staff mentioning that some of the kaiju have been known to chase ships and drones for amusement. Entire ship is put in danger when the big, slow, stupid airship isn't able to avoid two kaiju fighting over territory. Why are they not using planes?Â
Page 58: Transfer scene between outgoing / incoming teams was good, full of charm.
Page 63: Typo
Page 70: Place operates on magic technology that creates fuel and plastic literally out of thin air, but relies on solar panels and wind turbines to generate most of the electricity. While it's supposed to be 'zero emissions' (climate change is a particularly large bee in Sclazi's bonnet), they actually just shove whatever waste they have through the dimension hole back to our Earth. Super Green.Â
Page 71: An orientation meeting of the Junior Science Nerds and Jamie attempts to answer a few of the more obvious science related plot holes, but one particularly obvious one that doesn't get resolved like the others do in this part of the chapter is this: the staff geologist is eager to do some field work, literally on the ground. His superior advises him against this, saying that the creatures inhabiting this earth are too dangerous to risk encountering. The bases are on raised platforms, with Jamie even saying they look 'like an Ewok village'. The geologist's predecessor retired after needing to have two limbs reattached. Yet we're told that the airship that transported the crew was made of kaiju hide taken off the animals when they naturally die.
But if the planet is such a savage land that the organization's not even willing to allow scientists to go down onto the terra firma, who's going down to harvest the kaiju hide? Moreover, if the stuff was indeed indestructible, able to take a solid acre's worth of earth flung at it without breaking, how are they skinning these monsters? I may yet find out, but for now this was as much as I could stomach. Stay tuned for more.