Spoiling Scalzi: A Real-Time Read of Kaiju Preservation Society (Part 3)
What follows is part 3 of our ongoing multi-part preview of John Scalzi’s upcoming standalone novel, The Kaiju Preservation Society. For part two, click here. For part one, which includes a brief plot summary, click here. As with the previous entries, BEYOND HERE BE SPOILERS.
Page 145: Book hand-waves away the bad ethics of using native Earth as an interdimensional dumping ground, saying "That's KPS for you." Follows that up immediately with: "We took seriously the idea that we were to leave as little a mark on this world as possible", presumably with a straight face.
Military officials / billionaires / VIPs, aka "tourists" arrive. No one is described.
Page 152: Surprise! Jamie's old boss is in the group. It's revealed during the helicopter ride to the kaiju blast site that Jamie was fired over a one dollar bet. If I cared at all about the MC, this might have been a gut punch of a reveal. The dialogue is pretty good, though.
Page 153: Pilot unironically calls Kaiju Earth a "socialist paradise" despite knowing its entire existence is only possible through biilions of dollars in government and private sector funding and donations. He says this to a billionaire private sector donor that is IN THE CHOPPER with him.
Page 157: Biologist NPC really is just a smarmy asshole.
Page 158: It is now explained that not all kaiju grow to develop internal nuclear reactors and presumably don't go nuclear upon death. I'd still love to know how the hides are harvested for their stupid blimp.
Also, there's an orphan at the top of the page.
Page 156-165: Entirety of chapter 18 is spent needlessly rehashing shit to government and military officials. Here, look John: "We filed everyone into a conference room, where [NPC name] explained their theories about how the kaiju grow and develop". Boom. Done. One sentence. This book could be cut by a third and nothing substantive to the story would be lost, just zoomerific banter and busywork.
Page 176: Asshole CEO who fired Jamie reveals dastardly plan to smuggle kaiju DNA out in an insulin syringe, for . . . reasons? Our hero, who was recording the confession the whole time on his phone, heroically blackmails Asshole CEO into promising to never return. Maybe man is the true monster . . . Also, orphan at the top of the the page. Second one now. The benefits of TradPub, everybody!
Page 181: Almost an entire chapter is spent on a scientist discovering a few camera feeds went down and he can't contact the chopper sent to fix them. All of it is padded with such an excruciating amount of quirky dialogue that there's zero tension in what's clearly supposed to be an ominous moment.
It's eventually discovered a pregnant kaiju who was nesting in the blast crater left by the one that Fukashima'd itself has now completely vanished, and I couldn't care if you paid me. Oh yeah, this kaiju (one of the ones named after a Twilight character) plopped itself right on a spot where the barrier between dimensions is thin, but everybody is convinced it wasn't going to be a problem, like completely shrugging it off with barely a second thought, because nothing in this book matters or has mattered up until now, so why should my completely emotionally unprimed brain think this does?
Page 201: Exploring the site of the downed cameras reveals sabotaged equipment and an abandoned phone, which contains video showing mercenary types teleporting the pregnant kaiju away, somehow. Another video shows that Jamie's buddy who got him the gig gets redshirted (see what I did there?) along with 4 others on military orders. His final recorded message was actually pretty sad and dramatic. Only took 200 pages.
Page 208: The gaggle of Big Bang Theory rejects theorizes that a massive electrical pulse managed to dimension swap preggo kaiju and that she's now sitting in the middle of a forest in Canada, where the cold and thin atmosphere will stress her out enough to make her go Bikini Atoll sometime in the next sixteen hours. They've got to bring her back, guys!
NPC geologist throws shade at NPC chemist.
Page 209: The group spends time ruminating on the other staffers that were killed. "We've lost more people today than we have since the sixties," one character says. Other passing mentions are made throughout the book that the base only has 150 people working in it at any given time, and that everyone knows everyone and its like a big family there. As much as this is clearly meant to be the nadir of the plot, the "breaking point" at which the heroic forces rise up and marshal their third act resurgence, I feel nothing as a reader because I have NO IDEA who these people are.
We are not shown their families, hobbies, habits, weaknesses, dreams or personalities. There are no vulnerable / drunken / intimate moments between each other, as you might expect among clusters of people bonding in close quarters over long periods of time. it's all just surface-level wiseass bullshit up until now, which in turn leaves me feeling flat during what should be the most poignant part of the story.
What's the first rule of character development, John? Show, don't tell. You don't show a damn thing through this entire book.
Page 212: Orphan! Third damned one!
Page 214: I should actually mention that aside from Tagaq, who is a fairly minor character, John does successfully write someone into a likable, chaotic good hero mold. We still don't get a description or any background beyond that he's a Quebecois, but the helicopter pilot Martin proves himself by this point to be a serviceably-written, good to the bone person.
Here, he enthusiastically lends his piloting talents to the group to fly them over to try to retrieve the kaiju knowing he's putting his life and career in danger, even asking what took Jamie so long to invite him along. Before then, he's proven an ace pilot, and resists an attempt to be bribed by one of the visiting VIPs. So I have to give credit where it's due. I just don't know how John made the mistake of making him white, male and presumably heterosexual since he didn't immediately mention that he was gay. So good job there, Mr. Scalzi.
Page 216-217: Male chemist walks team through plan to retrieve missing kaiju through weakened spot in dimensional fabric while female physicist and female biologist complain nonstop.
Page 218: One of them quotes Pitch Perfect while they touch fists like the Captain Planet kids and a huge pillar of light and vapor erupts all around them. The text doesn't specify what color the light is (and really, why would things start being described now?) but I bet it was rainbow colored. Then they see an opening and all jump through like some totally radical 80's cartoon. You can almost get a sense of what Scalzi was binging during which parts of the book he was writing, I swear. At this point I'm really glad all my guns are safely locked up.
Page 219: Despite chemist's theory proving correct and safely bringing the whole team through, NPC biologist bitch-on-wheels somehow still insists he's wrong, calling him "you impossible man." They are so going to bone.
That'll wrap up this session. Tomorrow we bring you the thrilling(?) conclusion! Don't forget to spread the love on social media and as always thanks for reading!